Kaneez, 53, is making her way through menopause transition.
At 49, she was awarded Chairman of her department at Monroe College — just as her most difficult and unexpected perimenopausal symptoms appeared. Unable to focus and bask in the recognition of her hard-won accomplishment, Kaneez was faced with a difficult and unanticipated decision.
Did your “symptoms” take you by surprise after accepting your new role — Chairman of the Social Sciences Department at Monroe College?
Absolutely. I could not imagine that I would be going through a “life change” — at 49. I went to my doctor convinced that I had a terrible flu…not perimenopause. I thought, “isn’t that something that happens in your mid 50s?”. (Laughs)
Were these symptoms — and the new, more demanding job — happening at the same time?
Alas, yes. I had been a professor of Psychology for about 7 years — a job I loved. I knew the hours would be more intense with this new position but I was ready for the opportunity…or so I thought.
What were the symptoms?
Terrible headaches and brain fog. Inability to focus. Nightly Insomnia. Night sweats. And the mood swings…I suddenly felt very much out of control.
And with this new role, you were not only chairman but continued to teach, correct?
Yes. My workload was doubled. And my break time went from two months off as a professor to two weeks off as an Administrator — overwhelmed with paperwork.
Did you know this before taking the job?
I did. If it weren’t for these symptoms, I would have been fine.
Did you notify the administration about your condition? Maybe they would have worked something out with you…
No. I didn’t want to share anything specific about my womanhood — like hormones — with this higher position I had. Women have worked so hard to be taken seriously and considered equal. These are the things that make us vulnerable in leadership. Men might say … “Well, there you go… “
So you made the difficult decision to leave your “dream job”?
I did. I felt like I was living a double life. Going to work — taking new projects and classes on — in leadership or board meetings much of the day — then I’d sit in my office and unravel. I just sucked it up. For more than a year. Women do that in life. Or maybe that is the role model I had with my mother. You don’t complain. You just push through.
Tell me about your family, your culture. Did your mother share much about what to expect with menopause?
Not at all. My father was from Pakistan and Muslim — my mother is eastern European — and it is very much about figuring it out on your own. My mom is strong — but never talked about menopause, or bodies or sexuality at all.
That explains a lot of your self-determination.
Yes. I just learned that you have to be your own advocate in life. You have to make the choices you feel are the right thing for yourself. No more making everybody happy.
Do you think this decision has caused you to be overlooked for future opportunities?
No. While they wanted me to stay, they respected my decision. I stayed on as Chairman until they found a replacement. The reasons I gave for leaving were due to lifestyle and to be more present with my students.
How do you cope with your symptoms now?
I’ve tried to shift my life in ways that help manage the moodiness. Every morning I work out. I took all the processed foods out of my diet and it helps. Turn off the electronics. Stop eating at 8 pm at night. Lifestyle.
And you are happy with your decisions?
I couldn’t be happier. With my healthier lifestyle, my symptoms, my moodiness is much better. I have so much more flexibility — much more freedom. I also have more quality time with my students. I teach non-traditional low-income students – all minorities and many of them are adult learners. It’s such meaningful work for me.
What would you like to say to other women going through this crisis — career and menopause decisions?
You are not defined by this. Yes, your body changes. But you can think of this as your power. The changes that come with menopause can also be a powerful opportunity for positive change.
I am sorry that you could not share this experience with your administration.
I am too. But it was important for me to leave on my own terms — and not be judged as a “woman.”
April 2023
