Jeannie Ferguson, 48, has been going through perimenopause for the last two years. Her difficult mood swings caused a separation from her wife, 15 years her junior. “She told me I reminded her of her 50-year-old mother when she was going through this stage. I am her partner. Not her mother.” 
How did perimenopause contribute to the end of your relationship with your wife?
Oh, this story hurts to tell. But I’ll tell it. I started my perimenopause symptoms about two years ago. I went to my gyno with my wife and after a few tests, it was official. I was solidly in perimenopause. One year later, my wife and I separated. She told me I reminded her of her evil mother when she was going through menopause — and couldn’t do it again.
You would think, as another woman, she would understand this would be a part of her life — eventually.
She doesn’t want to think about what’s coming. But maybe all of this was my fault. I have always been attracted to youth. And she was 15 years younger.
Have your perimenopause symptoms impacted other relationships?
In a whole other way with my daughter. It’s brought us closer. My daughter is studying to be a gynecologist. She understands.
What do you think made it difficult for your wife to be supportive?
It was the deep mood swings. And it was the intimacy. There would be times where I wanted it all the time and there would be times where — don’t touch me.
Did you live together?
We were together for five years. And lived together for three.
How is your heart now?
I have my moments— I wanted the relationship to work. This final breakup happened within the last year.
You’re not alone – menopause can be hard on marriage.
But menopause is what happens to women. We are not doing this intentionally — these are tough times.
Do you think there needs to be more discussion about menopause?
I do. I think this conversation should start with women in their 30s. Learn more about our bodies, our hormones — and all that could and will happen. Some women go through PCOS.
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome?
Yes, it’s almost like going through early menopause. I mentor young women, ranging from 16 to early 30s, and I hear all the stories.
There is one woman who has this PCOS condition and it’s been very hard for her to conceive. Another has facial hairs. And then there is endometriosis. Ovarian cysts. Fibroids.
Menopause should be thrown into these conversations for what can and will happen to you as a woman — with groups that support women — and with your doctor.
Research shows that Black women are more prone to fibroids.
True. My mom had these large fibroids — and she was only offered a hysterectomy. My sister and I said no. None of the other alternatives were discussed — like shrinking them down in a natural way.
Was it that lack of counseling that motivated you to become a mentor?
In a way.
But I teach runway classes to aspiring and plus models. We talk and meet often. And I counsel what I know.
It sounds like you are filling a void for women who aren’t often supported.
In a way. And I let them know — I’m going through menopause.
I’m in class teaching and — all of the sudden — I am fanning furiously with the best African print fans!
They don’t believe I’m in menopause: “Miss Jeannie, you are not that old. What are you doing? Are you a witch?”
(Jeannie laughs)
Do you think your symptoms will affect your future relationships?
I’ll approach it differently. I’ll let them know from the beginning and give them options to opt out.
Would you date a younger woman again? Or is that off the table?
Yes, but I’d have a 5-year limit!
September 2023
