Javi Osei, 39, has been “officially” diagnosed as being in premature menopause. It took a lot of time, stress — and countless medical interventions for her to accept that she is in a new phase of her life. “I made the decision to just hunker down, do my own research. and take it step by step — with Dr. Google.”
You’re 39 now, at what age did you start experiencing symptoms of perimenopause?
I started when I was 37. As of today, I have not had a period without assistance of birth control pills for over a year.
Why were you on birth control pills?
I was taking the pill to bring on my period. I hadn’t been getting it for three to four months at a time. Very stressful. So, I agreed with my doctor to take them.
Why did you stop?
Initially, I wasn’t sure if missing periods at this age could have other implications like — maybe it’s cancer. But in time, I realized the pill was just a band-aid. It wasn’t addressing the deeper problem.
What did the doctor advise?
She assured me missing periods was not normal at 37 — and urged me to keep taking them. But before this, I had a lot of problems with getting pregnant — and I felt eventually I just couldn’t go through all these treatments again — shots in the stomach, the butt, the pills.
And did you get pregnant?
I did! I was doing IVF, IUI among other treatments. Nothing worked. I took a break. And ended up getting pregnant naturally. I now have a healthy son.
That’s wonderful! We’ve talked to other women with early menopause who thought they had all the time in the world…until they didn’t.
My son keeps asking for a brother. That’s not gonna happen.
Did you get support from friends or family though all of this?
The pregnancy? Yes! (laughs) People related. But early menopause? Nobody understood it. If I had colleagues who were my age — or even older friends experiencing this — that would have helped. But no one was.
All this was around the time the pandemic started. So, at first, I associated my symptoms with stress. And I didn’t tell many people. And avoided going to doctors.
Why do you think that was?
I think culturally and as a collective, Black people avoid seeking medical help. Sometimes our concerns are dismissed. And if I did mention my menopause symptoms to somebody, they would be: “Oh, that can’t be. You are too young.” I wasn’t up for that.
What were your symptoms early on?
Weight gain in the mid-section — which I attributed to COVID. Mood swings. But mostly sadness. Feeling down out of nowhere. And not really understanding. It would frustrate me. Because I am a go-getter. And had a lot of things going on, COVID or not.
And your symptoms now?
More intense hot flashes in addition to those I mentioned earlier. Woah!
And your doctors really did not prepare you for what you were entering?
They did confirm eventually that I was perimenopausal. After much testing I insisted on.
It really sounds like absolutely no support was available for you.
None.
Yet, you powered through it!
Well, I knew I wasn’t dying. And eventually made the decision to just hunker down and do my own research. I would take it step by step — with Dr. Google.
Please share.
I found the DailyOm site, a wellness program for mid age women. It gave me lots of information — about nutrition, what your body is going through.
So that was your education?
Yes! But the real aha moment was realizing — women did this when they did not have medical intervention. And guess what? They figured it out. That was what I was going to do. Fan myself when I need to. Drink water. I realized, and accepted, that I was in a new phase of my life.
July 2023
