Jade, 36, has been in menopause for over a year. A series of surgeries have left her without the children she had hoped to birth — and a resolute focus to bring her emotional, mental, and physical self, back from trauma she was not prepared for. Her story unfolds …
Was this an unexpected surgery that led to your early menopause?
It was definitely unexpected … and led to the removal of my uterus at 35.
Did you always intend to have children?
I have always wanted to birth children on my own.
And you put off the decision to start a family…
Yes. I thought I had time.
Why the decision for this operation?
I had cysts covering my uterus — giving me tremendous pain and leaving me immobile. And was told I would have to get surgery. But — I didn’t know they were going to take my uterus out.
You weren’t informed.
Correct. All I have left at this point is my left ovary.
Did your doctor prepare you for entering menopause?
(Laughs) Absolutely not. Not enough support mentally. Or emotionally. Or spiritually. I thanked God for my wife, who is a nurse and a support system. But as far as doctors go, you only see the doctor one or two times after surgery. A follow up visit. Where basically they check your wounds.
Was your wife able to walk you through the menopause symptoms?
A little. But I didn’t understand any of it. At all. Crazy how the body works. My boobs were suddenly swollen and so painful. And I got night sweats. I was — and am — depressed — and this is not me.
Yes. You are in menopause?
Yes, at 36 years old.
So how have you dealt with not being able to have children? Giving birth.
I had to pray my way through. That is all I can do. And my wife has children.
And she always told me that if I do still want to have a child — she will have one for me.
Do you live with your wife’s children?
Yes. We all live together.
Was there comfort in that?
There was. To me, children around are a joy. They can be a pain in the ass too. (Laughs)
Did the doctor even bring up the menopause word before the surgery?
No. Nothing.
But we talked about it afterwards. When I was telling him my symptoms.
What did he say?
He was then explaining to me that I was experiencing menopause.
I had no idea so …
You didn’t have anybody you could share this with?
The only one who did understand because they watched the process was my wife.
Do you have a relationship with your family — maybe sisters? Were they able to educate you about menopause?
I do have a family. But they have not experienced menopause yet.
And your mom?
Well, she talks about it for her. She gets the hot and cold flashes. She is always talking about it. (Laughs)
Are you close? Was she able to advise you?
I am close with my mom. And I told her what I was experiencing. And it was she who said: “Oh girl you are going through menopause.” But that was it.
In retrospect, what do you think would have been helpful to know?
I would have liked to know in advance that this could have affected me mentally. I would have liked to know in advance what the actual healing process would be. Because it has been rough.
You have such a short period to heal on the outside but you are not healed from the inside. Those are the main things I would have liked to have known.
What changes would you suggest we make for doctors and patients’ reationships?
Talk to your patient about what is going on. The conversations need to happen before anybody puts a knife to you.
I can’t agree more! What are your symptoms now?
I still have the night sweats. I still have the mood swings. I still have tenderness in my chest and breasts. My sexual drive is not really there. Those are my top symptoms.
So how do you cope with all of this now?
Prayer. Meditation. And laughter.
Anything that makes me laugh is healing.
What would you like to say to other women who may have faced early surgery. Have any words of wisdom?
My words of wisdom would be to do your research. Whatever you are feeling. Research it. Whatever you need to know. Research it. Google is your best friend.
March 2023
